For the past few months I have lived with the idea that someone I love may only ever be what he is right now: my friend. Over the past few days, I feel like that isn't going to be enough.
He and I have fought relentlessly over the past week. Just about every time I've seen him, we've argued. I've cried twice. I feel like he didn't really tell me how much I meant to him until he realized how much he hurt me, and how much he has hurt me. We talked about a lot of things today, and I feel like we've cleared the air, so to speak. I walked away from him, and I looked back, and he just watched me. Its like he knows that the longer he begs for my eyes to meet his, the more I'm going to want to run to his arms.
I have lived with the idea that we are friends, and that this is all we will become. I do not know how much longer I can live with this idea...I certainly couldn't live with it today. But tomorrow it will be the same. He runs hot and cold, he loves me but he doesn't know what he wants. He knows I'm the right girl, but he still isn't sure he's ready for the right girl. I can't wait for him to be ready, as much as I know he's the right guy. I guess I don't have my wall back up with him like I thought I did....or today wouldn't have happened.
On a less serious note, why, WHY, is the nicest, cutest boy I've met in ages
18 years old? WHY? I am not a cougar, ladies and gentlemen! I am a girl who has always gone for guys that have been an average of 2-6 years OLDER than me! Now, suddenly, an 18 year old smiles at me, flirts with me, and I turn into a gigglebox. Not only that, I am actually interested! And I think, quite possibly, he might be too.
I just don't get it. Someone find me a rich old guy to marry, I wanna take the guesswork out of this crap.
