Home.

For the past 3 years or so, I have been, in a sense, homeless. I mean, I've had a roof over my head, but I haven't felt at home in my apartment. I've been spending the day rearranging furniture, vaccuming, and doing stuff that I usually don't do. Maybe its out of a desire to make my "house" a "home." Maybe I just decided that I need to find home wherever I am, and not just wait for life to start.

Maybe I just want to feel like I felt when my grandmother was alive, and how every room, every inch of her house, orange shag carpet and all, felt like home. I can argue that it was because she was there, but it wasn't just that...she's with me all the time, and I still have my dad...

And then I realized that home isn't because of anyone around you, the people in your home don't make it a home...its within you to make your house, your apartment, your RV, the place you are okay being yourself in.

Well, Kitty likes it. He's exploring and seeing what the hell I did...Dad will like it too. And I have the most beautiful spot for the Christmas tree too. :-)

Playing for Change

So there's this project called Playing for Change...

These guys went all over the world and recorded people playing the same song, singing the same song...inspired by the first guy you see in the video.

They showed this video at the Starbucks Leadership Conference...my manager met these guys...this is so amazing...and it was so meaningful to watch this video...

I love my job...and some days its hard, it has been lately especially, but then I see things like this...and I realize how amazing the world is, and that my company effects people EVERYWHERE. And I couldn't have asked to work anywhere better.

Can't sleep....

I can't really sleep, even though I need to.

Mel's grandfather died last night. He's been sick for a while now...Melanie seems okay, but I don't know, we'll see what Wednesday and Thursday bring. Later in his life, they didn't always agree, but I know he loved her, and I know all he wanted was for her to do what made her happy.

Strange. Tomorrow will be an interesting day. I really don't think it matters too much who wins the election, though many of you will agree with me. Most of the time, their agendas are thrown out the window, at least most of their agenda. There will be some changes, but both of these candidates have the potential to screw it up, or be the greatest president since FDR.

Whoever wins tomorrow is going to have more on their plate than meets the eye. I have always said, there is no way to know what the office will bring you. Either man will face challenge, and will have to bend so as not to break.

We are a country of evolution, our founding fathers made it that way. The Constitution is beautiful....weird of me to say, but its my favorite political document. Seriously.

Okay, now I'm tired.

Random Crap 10/28/08

• Sleep is nice. Very very nice.
• The guy that comes to check my furnace for carbon monoxide is NOT very nice.
• I am going to love this weekend, yay for Dia De Los Muertos Festivals in Las Cruces!
• I thiiiiink I have a crush.
• Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to listen to The Juliet Letters by Elvis Costello and the Brodsky String Quartet....wow!

This is pretty frequent....when I would blog on the shithole known as myspace, I did these a lot, and they are fun and silly. Enjoy.

This is how my heart behaves...

For the past few months I have lived with the idea that someone I love may only ever be what he is right now: my friend. Over the past few days, I feel like that isn't going to be enough.

He and I have fought relentlessly over the past week. Just about every time I've seen him, we've argued. I've cried twice. I feel like he didn't really tell me how much I meant to him until he realized how much he hurt me, and how much he has hurt me. We talked about a lot of things today, and I feel like we've cleared the air, so to speak. I walked away from him, and I looked back, and he just watched me. Its like he knows that the longer he begs for my eyes to meet his, the more I'm going to want to run to his arms.

I have lived with the idea that we are friends, and that this is all we will become. I do not know how much longer I can live with this idea...I certainly couldn't live with it today. But tomorrow it will be the same. He runs hot and cold, he loves me but he doesn't know what he wants. He knows I'm the right girl, but he still isn't sure he's ready for the right girl. I can't wait for him to be ready, as much as I know he's the right guy. I guess I don't have my wall back up with him like I thought I did....or today wouldn't have happened.

On a less serious note, why, WHY, is the nicest, cutest boy I've met in ages 18 years old? WHY? I am not a cougar, ladies and gentlemen! I am a girl who has always gone for guys that have been an average of 2-6 years OLDER than me! Now, suddenly, an 18 year old smiles at me, flirts with me, and I turn into a gigglebox. Not only that, I am actually interested! And I think, quite possibly, he might be too.

I just don't get it. Someone find me a rich old guy to marry, I wanna take the guesswork out of this crap.

So, here's mah blog.

haha.

wow. I can't believe I've never gotten on blogspot before. Thank you, sister of mine!

More interesting things to come, but for now, I'm gonna make this thing pretty!